Blogs As Conversations
Posted under: Blogs
To me, blogs are conversations.
The kind of blog that does nothing but post “Top 250 Things You Wish You Knew About Earthworms” style posts, not so much. I don’t know that I really call those “blogs” so much as “websites”, though. (Semantics, yes, but I enjoy chasing the shapes of words I use to define things. It tells me something about myself.)
Particularly slice-of-life style blogs, where the blogger is very open about “hey, I’m a person, this is me.” The kind of blog that posts photos and talks about hopes and dreams. I view those blogs as conversations.
My blog, for example, is a conversation. I do my very best to make sure that if you comment, I will reply. Comment threads spring up and blossom into marvelous things involving multiple people more often than I think I really deserve, like when you plant a few zucchini seeds only to later find yourself wondering if it’s illegal to leave zucchini on your neighbor’s porch under stealth of moonlight.
I thrive on conversation in my blogging.
Silence
This is why it surprises me when I see other bloggers who rarely or never reply to their readers.
I can leave a comment on this person’s blog, answering a question they asked or just letting them know that it touched me and never get a reply.
Since I view blogs as conversations, this is a lot like someone who just told me a lengthy story, while I sat and nodded, listening. Then, when I reply to what they’ve said, they look away, stone-faced and inscruitble.
Have I offended them? Perhaps they’re only busy, and might come back to it later? But no. Days can go by, and I see other comments similar to my own floating just as awkwardly in the air.
In some cases, I know the blogger personally. I know they are a vibrant, beautiful person, and they have confessed that comments make them feel so VERY good about their blog, and they wish they could reach more people …
… and yet the people they have already reached, they publicly snub.
Sheer Volume
Please don’t misunderstand. I’m hardly lambasting someone like … Neil Gaiman, who would have to hire a handful of assistants to keep up with the comments on his blog. There is a point where replying to every comment becomes impossible, and a point where fame brings in an odd crowd, where the blogger may be advised discretion.
Even then, there are folks who handle their huge comment volume without ever making their commenters feel ignored. Temerity Jane, for example, is remarkably active in the comments on her blog, despite getting an avalanche of vindaloo-level chatter every time she posts anything more topical than a baby picture.
These folks – the ones who already have their hands full – they’re not the ones I’m talking about.
Unconcern
Similarly, the folks who are INTENTIONALLY not replying to comments? I’m not talking about them, either. If you are deliberately leaving that comment hanging because you don’t want your blog to be a conversation, then naturally, this does not apply to you, either.
Grow
I’m talking about the bloggers who are trying to grow their audience. The ones who thrive on the comments, and want people to stay, and chat, and really discuss what you wrote.
If this fits your profile and you are avoiding replying to comments, you aren’t doing yourself any favors. I have three blogs that I would love to comment more regularly on but don’t because I feel like the blogger doesn’t want to talk to me.
I feel unwelcome there. Cold, despite the warmth of the posts. As if it were one of those immaculate living rooms from the 50′s, full of expensive furniture that no one was ever allowed to sit on, for fear it might stain.
Don’t just silently value your commenters. Tell them you value them.
If you think that you’ll look silly if your comment page looks like a broken record, with you replying “thank you!” to every comment, at least each commenter knows you valued their words enough to say that much.
I’d much rather look silly and foolish than cold and unwelcoming … or worse, disdainful.
TLDR
If you want your blog to be a conversation, reply to comments.
I feel silly even saying it, but I’ve seen it time and time again – still see it, on blogs run by folks I know.
If someone said something you care about, say SOMETHING. Even if it’s the wrong thing, or a stupid thing, let them know you read it and you cared that they took the time to comment.
They’ll remember you did, and they’ll come back with a warmer outlook of your blog the next time. They may even bring their friends.
Comment Helping
I use a self-hosted wordpress blog for pretty much everything. Two automatic ways that my blog tells my readers I care are the plugins:
- CommentLuv (which allows each of their comments to link back to their most recent blog post, if they are themselves a blogger)
- Subscribe To Comments (which emails them a notification any time their comment thread is replied to) I like this better than some of the other comment subscription plugins I’ve seen which require the user to confirm via email and page link that they want to view the comments. Too many hoops to jump through for my taste.
Both are free and easy to install.
Discussion Questions
1) Commenters! How do you feel about silent bloggers who do not reply? Do you feel snubbed, or am I alone in expecting some kind of response?
2) Bloggers! Have you been in this situation? How did you handle comments and replies to them? How did you let your readers know you value them?
Pretty sure you already know my answers on these questions. :) (Edited to add: I wonder on what percentage of your posts I’m the first commenter. *grin*)
I, too, see blogs as conversations. And there are definitely blogs where I feel quite welcome—this, of course, being chief among them! Unfortunately, too many people don’t reply, even when I’ve jumped through the WordPress.com hoops to subscribe (and then confirm with another mouseclick, and again with responding to the email I already confirmed…yeah, you get the picture). That’s disheartening and discouraging. Maybe, just maybe, they need to turn off comments?
Even though I’m not actively blogging, I always appreciated comments on my posts, and I tried very hard to reply to each and every one. By doing so, I’ve gained a lot of friends on the Internet. This is a Very Good Thing. I’ve had some fun conversations on my blog, and some even more fun on yours (and while Choose may not be, strictly speaking, a blog, the comment threads sure can be a lot of fun!).
Yours is one of the blogs I’d hold up as testament to just how much comment conversations MATTER.
You’ve blogged about everything from WoW to sports to proper comma usage, and you STILL have a loyal following. =]
For me, as a blogger, it was difficult to make the jump from being a “big blog” to being more “conversation focused”. It still is, at times!
Let me explain where I’m coming from: I was raised on a steady diet of BRK, back in the days of WoW blogs. BRK would get dozens and dozens of comments– or more– on a post. He’d reply to a couple of them and leave the rest, mostly for other people to bandy about– which was understandable. He couldn’t respond to all of those comments!
I made Aspect of the Hare and it very quickly snowballed out of my newbie-blogger mittens and became a “big blog”. I decided to play it the BRK way, because I wasn’t sure if there was any other way to do it! I think it was an acceptable way to go about things.
Now that… that was a few years ago! These days I’m a much smaller blog. I’ve realized the importance of trying to hold a conversation with readers, and I try my hardest to respond if not to all the comments, then to most of them. But I still have a long way to go. I often forget, or think “I’ll respond later” and then… don’t… or I assume that due to the comment’s wording, they weren’t expecting a response.
Mostly, though, I think it’s just very hard to change from “Big Blog Mode” to “Little Blog Mode”– that shift in mindset is much more difficult than I thought it would be. Even though I’ve been a “Little Blog” for a couple of years now! I sort of envy people who have always been Little Blogs, in that respect.
As for me, I don’t, by default, expect replies on comments I leave on other blogs. Again, I imagine it’s due to my blog upbringing and cutting my teeth on big blogs like BRK. That does, however, mean I’m pleasantly surprised when bloggers DO reply, and I daresay it makes me a bit more likely to return in the future!
So yes! TLDR: Sometimes it’s hard to change your perspective of what a blog IS, if you came into it with a different mindset. If that makes sense… *ramble ramble*
I think that mindset as a commenter has a lot to do with it.
I will read the “big blogs” but I very very rarely reply because I don’t see the point in shouting in a room full of other people shouting.
When I reply, it’s usually because I think that response will MATTER to the blogger. I don’t always expect a reply, but I do notice when one doesn’t happen … and I absolutely notice on the times that I DO expect a reply – when I gave a thought out response to a question specifically asked by the blogger.
But if I was the sort of person who made a habit of commenting on “big blogs” I could totally see where my not expecting replies would feed into the way I treat my own blog. *nod*
Yeah, I think what happened was I sort of grew into this mindset where feedback was static– not really a new conversation, but a static comment– and that’s been a bit of a stumbling block for me to get over. I’m that person who will stumble on a blog, leave my thoughts on a post, and then not return to the blog. Not even to see if my comment was replied to. That sounds… cold and harsh, I know. More so than I would like to admit. But somehow, that wiggled into my mindset as acceptable, probably due to reading so many blogs where that was just how things worked. So because of that, I decided that comments were just that– a comment, with no more room for discussion.
After a while I realized that this wasn’t the best way to go about things and I’ve been actively trying to change ever since. But that’s easier said than done! Bloggers’ guilt haunts me sometimes, because of it. I wish I was better at responding to comments. The only thing to do is keep trying, I suppose! :3
*laughs* Actually, that makes you sound like some sort of rakish, absent-minded explorer, and now I can’t help but think of you in some kind of pith helmet, seeking out new and more exciting blogs to visit!
That actually sounds pretty accurate…
Tami I agree with you – on the popular blogs I don’t really expect a reply and I tend not to comment. However it is mind boggling on some of the smaller blogs and especially when the blogger asks “what do you think” when I make a reply and nothing happens. I’m reading the blog of a guy who just started out this year and I think he has made some interesting posts. I’m typically the only one to comment, yet he still has never written back.
YES! That’s precisely what I’m talking about. I can’t help but think … maybe they don’t REALIZE that we expect them to reply? Maybe they don’t understand what it seems like from this side of the internet, when they don’t reply?
And it was precisely that thought which drove me to write this blog post. ^_^
I’m a newbie when it comes to blogs in general and in the past I mostly read without commenting. I think the first blog I wrote a comment on was HonorsCode (I might have the name wrong – it’s been closed for a while) and I received a prompt, detailed reply from Ted, whom many of you know. Well, the time he took to answer a stupid question from someone he didn’t know actually touched me, and I became a loyal reader. The funny part is his new blog led me to Steve’s blog, which led me to Saucy Ink and eventually here. I have found the people on these sites to be very interesting and talented, but more importantly, they are warm and responsive. This makes me very comfortable at these sites and I feel like a friend, even though we’ve never met. I’m not much for social networking (maybe I’m too old) but I really enjoy these sites and I can’t wait to see new content!
Now, maybe I should answer the actual question. As a commenter I have not been snubbed because I have only commented on the blogs I listed above. However, if I was snubbed by an author I would feel slightly offended. I know that’s not really fair or reasonable, but we’re talking about feelings.
@Tami – you’ve made me realize that I need to spend more time on Steve’s blog!
Ha! I think this sums up the “logical” aspects of my post quite nicely!
“I know that’s not really fair or reasonable, but we’re talking about feelings.”
I’m honored to have you in my frequent commenters, Bill (and even MORE honored to have you in my critique group – you have a gift there, and I hope you realize how much we value it!).
Whups, and I meant to say – I think you’ve got that “social networking” thing down pat. =]
*grins* Now I want to start having more of those conversations. Guess I should get back to blogging. After all…in a vacuum, no one can hear you typing, right?
*grins* Some of us certainly aren’t going to complain if you find time to get back into the swing of blogging!
This is one of the things I endeavor to be better about with blog posts. I’m probably 50/50 when it comes to blog-comment replying, and I kick my own ass over it. (Which reminds me that I owe you an email reply, still, too. >.< )
Part of my problem is timing — comments tend to come in during the day while I'm at work, and I think, "Oh hey cool, I'll reply to this when I get home." It's a time-management thing, too: the non-work time I do have, I’m usually trying to get some writing done, or finish this or that blog post, or or or… It’s a good reminder to bump up “Reply to comments” on my priority list, especially because I am a huge admirer of Making Light. Over there, if you’re only reading the post, you’re missing all of the brilliant things added by the community. That community, of course, has been cultivated over years and years of the Nielsen Haydens being active participants.
Thankee for this post, Tami. <3!
I find it hilarious that when I see “Lauren” in my inbox, my eyes immediately stop reading as I glance around for context clues to identify which Lauren it is before I am allowed to continue reading.
My solution to the comment/reply situation is that I almost never read a blog comment without immediately replying to it.
If I cannot take the time to respond, I do not read it and it remains bolded in my otherwise pristine inbox, GLOWERING at me. I believe unread emails are ill-tempered.
Many days, I just let them pile up and handle them all in one big chunk, but the moment I slack off and start reading without replying, I go down a dangerous road.
I stopped commenting on blogs where the blogger doesn’t ever respond. I feel there’s no point. If you write for your readers (as many say) then respond!
*nod* Same here! I stopped following a few (not all – some I just mentally label “website, not blog” and keep them on the reader) for the lack of response.
Oh no! you are talking about my blog! noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! don’t leave me!
1) I don’t comment on a whole lot of blogs, only those of the people I know personally. If they don’t reply, I sorta assume that the blogger never read my comment. So next time I see them, I pretend that they don’t KNOW that I think their newest craft is awesome.
2) Uh, on QotD? I tried to respond to everyone, and I think I did a pretty good job. Also, the format of that blog FORCED conversation, and I’m so glad that I was able to watch some commentors go off on their own adventures (ahem, you and Anne) I’m having a harder time with my J/K blog. I don’t know if it’s because i’ve kept it private, or people don’t really care about my cute baby, or there’s just only so much you can say about a kid that you haven’t said already (“yup, still cute…..”) – but I’m not getting as much comments with the variety that I was hoping for. So I try to respond, but I haven’t found a good way to respond to “yup, still cute…” for the 30th time. I’m hoping that the caption contests are going to spice things up.
Ha! Actually, I’ve always thought you did a rather marvelous job keeping up with the commenting, particularly on QotD, though I am very guilty of the “yup, still cute” baby comments on the baby blog. *blushblush*
I am ridiculously guilty of this. I usually blame my phone and the wordpress app for android and how it’s slow and my phone is falling apart but, quite simply, I’ve gotten a bit lazy or I can’t find the words to say in reply.
I am going to make an effort to get better at doing this as I love comment conversations and wish I had them on my blog.
Thanks for poking me. <3
*hugs* I’d love to see conversations on your blog, too!
As a “commenter”, I don’t know that it actually matters to me that much. I guess it depends on the blog. Sometimes I want to get involved in a discussion and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I have minor comments to make or just want to be heard (usually with mere assent or dissent). If I pour my heart and mind into a post, I’d expect an equally weighty response (or, at worst, a dismissive “see this comment I already made” or “read this other post I already made”).
As a blogger…wait…I don’t really blog. Nevermind. ;)
Pity you don’t have a blog. You have a lot of very worthwhile things to say, ranging from philosophical debates to designing zombie sheep video games.
Oh, I HAVE SEVERAL blogs. I just don’t use any of them. Two main issues for me are that I don’t have anything resembling consistent subject matter and that I worry about getting “Dooce’d” or otherwise sued (so my only follower would likely be you or I’d have to cut out most of what I actually want to blog about).
Suppose you could always go incognito. Set up an alias to blog under.
Not that you have time to blog, I suppose (How’s the baby?) but hey, you’d be awesome at it.
http://exwebris.net/
Happy?
Yes! <3
I somehow skipped your parenthetical question (or did I?). Charlie’s great! Minus the whole NICU for 4 months thing, he’s been a complete trick baby — a trick baby is a baby that you have/see and go, man, I should have more of these. I’ve never been much of a “kid” person, but he’s pretty great.
I keep expecting you to leap out and say, “Ha! Just kidding! His name is actually Socrates Descartes! We call him ‘SD’ for short!”
Not that there’s anything wrong with ‘Charlie.’ As it happens, I’ve met so many Charlies that I like that I have a lovely happy feeling about the name.
On the other hand, I can’t quite convince myself that your name isn’t REALLY ‘Brad-o’ and every time I try to remember what you look like, it comes out all anime cartoon style, so a wonderfully normal name like ‘Charlie’ feels odd in my Brad-o anime universe.
Also, your cat’s name is Tater, so your argument is invalid.
I love that description of a trick baby, I’ve never heard that before!
His initials do spell out cmd. But otherwise, we gave him a pretty normal name, Charles Matthew. Also, I think it’s funny you’ve categorized me in an anime world. I think you’ve seen more of it than me. But then there’s Trigun and I am blonde with a fondness for donuts.
Some of the best names for pets are food items. Biscuit, Brisket, Tater, etc. Apart from the intrinsic awesomeness of the name, it reminds them that I might forget that they are pets and not food, so they better behave.
Somehow, I do not think your cat has nightmares of some day being made into hashbrowns.
*grin*
You will never live down Trigun, though I can’t imagine why you’d want to. We are in your anime debt for that one. =]
I respond to comments, but not many people comment on my blog. But I totally agree with you.
Casi´s last post ..The Lizard Incident
*high five for comment responding*!
Also, love the title of your recent blog post!